Most of us see fear as an enemy, and for most of my life, I hated fear more than anything. Fear stops you from doing things you love. I remember writing a sentence in my notebook back in 2009 “fear kills more dreams than death itself” I was convinced fear was the enemy, and it had to be destroyed!

Changing your relationship with fear

About a month ago my wife and I went thru a bit of a rough patch with close family being sick and in hospital. Both my parents and her father were in the hospital. Messages from all over came in as family and friends were worried. Although the messages were sent with good intent, I noticed a fair amount was filled with fear and half-truths. This created doubt in our hearts. I hated fear once again. But after some reading on the subject, I decided to change my view about fear.

Fear is a very strong emotion, one of our most basic emotions to be exact. It’s present in all of us. It’s part of us, you have a relationship with it. I saw fear as the Grim Reaper, the dream killer. But this is not entirely true.

Why fear is not the enemy

You are standing on the side of a bridge. It is about 45 meters high, down below are sharp rocks and a bunch of other dangerous stuff. Should you jump, slip or fall you will die. Red lights come on Danger! Danger! Fear kicks in.

In this case, fear is your friend. It is helping you, it’s telling you “do not go too close, if you fall you will die” if fear is the enemy would it not want you to fall and die? Why is it then warning you of the danger?

Fear is a tool. A way for your brain to let your body know “do not do this, you will get hurt or die” BUT You need to control it because if you don’t, it will control you.

The problem with Fear

One of the big problems we face today is the media. The media in any form, Facebook, CNN, or What’s app. A news story is shared on social media, people add their insecurities send it to the next and it creates massive chaos, panic, and FEAR.

The media is all about money and numbers. They do not give a shit about the truth or your mental wellbeing. Whatever gets the most clicks or views goes.

But is fear the culprit here? It might be that the media figured out that we have a strong emotional response to fear, and they use this as their marketing campaign getting us to share their stories.  There is a great video on YouTube where John Lovell from Warrior Poet Society talks about Four fear traps. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSn_ALlQoNw ) it helped me to see fear for what it is.

Trap Nr 1 Panic.

Panic is a sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, causing wildly unthinking behavior. In other words, you shut down your ability to think. And you get stuck and cannot act.

Trap Nr 2 Euphoria.

Euphoria is an overwhelming feeling of happiness, joy, and well-being. Let me explain. You go into a make-belief world where you ignore the facts in front of you. You can be in the middle of a gunfight, and you will be thinking “well maybe I should buy that motorbike I always wanted” ignoring the fact that you might be moments away from death.

Trap Nr 3 Dreaming

Most of us understand dreaming. The definition in the websters dictionary is interesting though “indulge in daydreams or fantasies about something greatly desired” this is when your brain creates a dreamed-up version of the situation you are experiencing. Your mind creates an outcome based on your desire, ignoring facts. For example, you might see robbers breaking into your house at 3 am and, you convince yourself they are just there for a cup of coffee and some conversation.

Trap Nr 4 The feedback loop

Feedback loop: a structure, series, or process, the end of which is connected to the beginning. This is when you get stuck on something unrelated to your current situation. You believe that if you can just do this one thing everything will be ok. This is all that matters, and you cannot think of anything else.

Fear gives us feedback, what we choose to do with the feedback is where the trouble starts. If we control our emotions, recognize the “fear-feedback” and then act, fear will become our ally. The media’s mass hysteria will be more contained, and we will be stronger, braver men of action.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca said, “We are more often frightened than hurt, and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.”

The Strong