When I started to deliberately better myself every day, one of the hardest things in the battle for my mind and heart was where to start.

For most of my life, I thought I was OK. The things I do are right, the way I think is better than most, and I’m in ok shape. But I was wrong. And for a hard-headed man, this was a tough pill to swallow.

It’s tough because you need to confess to yourself that you are not the best version of yourself. You need to accept that there is a possibility that you are wrong in the way you’re doing things. You are not as strong or in shape as you think, you are not the best father, husband, or man. 

You need to be brutally honest with yourself. And that sucks.

Why you need to change

Most of us think we are ok. Like I did. And we hope for the best. We get married and hope we will be good husbands. We become fathers and hope we will be good dads. But when things don’t work out as you hoped, you get frustrated and act like an idiot. We do not work deliberately towards an end goal. Hope is important, but if your battle plan is hope alone, you will fail.

I was not happy. The relationships with my close family were not what I wanted. My finances could be better. My health needed change. I wanted to be a good father. I wanted to be a strong man. I wanted to be the best version of myself. And I realized my own methods would not get me there. 

I winged my life and hoped that everything would work out. I did not accept responsibility for the state of my life. I Had a bunch of excuses. The government, the economy, the way I was born, and a lot of other BS I told myself. I realized the fault was my own and that I lacked leadership and discipline. And then, the want for change became my main focus.

You need to take full responsibility for every aspect of your life. If the relationships in your life are a mess, it’s your fault, and you need to fix it. If you are out of shape, you need to do something about it. If you act in a way you don’t like, you need to change it. You and you alone need to take responsibility and put in the work for change. 

Ryan Munsey wrote in his book Fuck your Feelings: “Your life is perfectly designed for the results you’re currently getting“. You are in control, and the results you are getting are because of the effort or lack thereof.

Where to start

You need an accurate, well-planned map to start the change you want. One of the best ways I found worked for me was to start at the end. Your dead, the whistle blew, and you left this life. Everybody you knew is at the funeral. Your wife, kids, and closest friends and family. How do you want them to remember you? That’s where you start.

Write down the things you want to hear at your funeral.

Let’s say you want your children to say, he was a good father. You will write that down. Ask yourself what you need to change or do today to make this a reality. You want your wife to say you were a good husband. Do the same thing, write it down. Create a plan. You want your friends to say you were honourable, strong, and lived in the moment. You know what to do. 

This will become your battle plan. A clear and purposeful road map to the strongest version of yourself. Read a book in line with the goals you’ve written down or listen to a podcast or ask friends and family. The order of man has good podcasts. Or shoot me a mail at info@thestrong.co.za and I can give you book recommendations. 

I leave you with the words of Virgil. “Death twitches my ear, live it says. I am coming”. Let death find you strong and living the best life you are capable of. 

THE STRONG