This will be more of a personal post. And if I am honest, I find it rather hard to write. To divulge your personal life on a platform where you are unsure who reads it is a bit out of my comfort zone. I believe in a strict “handle your business without people knowing your business” rule, but we learn from experience, this might just help you.

The PAST

We all have a past, and the truth is although it might be something you are ashamed of, it is part of you and made you who you are today, good or bad. I saw a post on Instagram “To my past self, you did the best you could with the level of awareness you had. I love you and forgive you” truth spoken!

As you know from my first post, I got married at a young age. Young love and no clue what I was doing, thank goodness I chose a good wife. Life was good for the most part, but I made a couple of bad decisions that will haunt my future.

Without getting into too much detail, the young love faded, and resentment reared its ugly head.

Resentment

Resentment is the bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury. I was wronged, my wife was wronged, by no fault of our own, weak individuals tried to destroy us. But we blamed each other, and it nearly destroyed our relationship.

I became a victim and fully adopted the victimhood mentality. I was injured. I became a weak man.

Resentment has this way of hiding in the darkness. For the most part, everything was ok. In the background, however, resentment was lurking seeking destruction. Resentment is patient. It kills you slowly, it is like a python wrapping itself around you. At first, it is not too bad, uncomfortable but livable. Unfortunately, by the time you realize what’s going on, you are in big trouble and can’t get out.

The promise of new life

My wife was pregnant, we moved to a new house and most of our troubles were in the background, we were excited about the new life coming into ours. I thought our issues were a thing of the past, but I was wrong, it was only lurking waiting for the worst time to present itself.

Add a newborn baby to the equation of unresolved deep pain and resentment and you have a recipe for disaster. Our arguments intensified and although the arguments had nothing to do with the wrong that was done to us, it was ever-present, hanging in the room like a dark cloud.

I was an absent husband and father. This made things way worse. I became deeply depressed, saw no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. I stopped working out, started eating junk and I became a fat, depressed weakling.

I took no responsibility for my actions or the state of my marriage. I was injured by someone and I was destroying everything around me, and in my head, I had the right to do so.

The realization

I made a new friend at this time, and like me, he was also friends with resentment. He was injured, and his heart, like mine, was growing hard towards his wife. He only stuck around because of his children. One day we had a conversation about his situation, and he uttered words that made my situation clear as daylight.

His words were something like “my wife hurt me, and with that hurt, she killed a special place I had for her in my heart” I asked him “but don’t you think it will get better with time, you might get it back” (hoping for him to say yes, for my situation) His words “no, I don’t want it back”

This made my head spin like crazy; I did not want to be like that, I don’t want that, no! no! no!  Is there no hope of salvaging the dead piece of my heart, my wife once occupied? All my soul SCREAMED, “how do I fix this?”

Strong Men build

It took one hell of an internal fight, (and some externals) but today I can tell you that the special place for my wife, has been restored. It is no longer a black scourged, life-less place. How did I fix it? well, it started with taking responsibility for my weakness.

Weak men destroy things because it’s easy, they seek it, crave it, and live for it. Strong men however seek to rebuild the broken, to fix the unfixable no matter the cost.

Weak men get drunk and yell at the wife and kids. Strong men know their limits and say no, building respect and trust with his family. Weak men take no responsibility for the wrongs that have been done to them, they leave the issues unresolved to grow into monsters that will destroy them in the long run. Strong Men kill the monsters even if it’s hard to do.

Weak men blame everything on somebody else. Strong men take responsibility for every action. Weak men have excuses, strong men seek results and find a way no matter what. Weak men try and fail, strong men, DO.

My story is not so different from many others. Men today are more depressed than at any other time in history. We try to escape everyday life with beer and all sorts of other empty actions. Men today lack responsibility, drive, and honor, and if we do not change, we are heading for destruction.

Last thoughts

Winston Churchill said “To each man there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.”

If you were waiting for that tap on the shoulder, the day you became a husband, the day you became a father, was it. If you are still single prepare in advance. Are you ready?

THE STRONG