Today one of the biggest battles men personally face is depression and hopelessness. It comes in all shapes and sizes. From alcohol abuse, road rage, or kicking the dog when you get home from work. Most men are lonely and frustrated always expecting the worst. And who can blame them? The news is full of it, Facebook feeds it and text messages filled with bad news on our phones tend to kill hope in an instant. It’s a 24/7 battle to keep a level head.  

Seeing that we are facing this pandemic of hopelessness I want to share two stories from history that might bring some light to the darkness.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

First up: Fyodor Dostoyevsky, he said “Man, only likes to count his troubles; he doesn’t calculate his happiness.”

Fyodor Dostoyevsky. was born on 11 November 1821 in Moscow, Russia. He was a Russian novelist and short-story writer, and he wrote mostly about the darkest recesses of the human heart. In 1847 Dostoyevsky began to participate in a group of intellectuals who discussed utopian socialism. The group got him into trouble with the law and on 23 April 1849, he and the other members of the circle were arrested.

Dostoyevsky spent eight months in prison. On 22 December 1849 the prisoners were led without warning to Semyonovsky Square. There a sentence of death by firing squad was pronounced, last rites were offered, and three prisoners were led out to be shot first.

At the last possible moment, the guns were lowered, and a messenger arrived with the information that their lives will be spared. The mock execution ceremony was part of their punishment.

Dostoyevsky passed several minutes in full conviction that he was about to die. The mock execution led Dostoyevsky to appreciate the very process of life as a gift and, to value freedom, integrity, and individual responsibility more strongly. After the mock execution, Dostoyevsky was sentenced to four years in a Siberian prison labor camp, to be followed by an indefinite term as a soldier.

He didn’t just say “Man, only likes to count his troubles; he doesn’t calculate his happiness.”  because it sounded nice or cool. No, he faced the worst history had to offer. I’m sure he also wanted to give up on life. But he did not. He became an author of numerous books, sharing his experience and wisdom for us to use in our dark times.

Victor Frankl

 “Our greatest freedom is the freedom to choose our attitude.” – Victor Frankl

Viktor Frankl was born on 26 March 1905, Vienna, Austria. He was an Austrian psychiatrist and psychotherapist who developed the psychological approach known as logotherapy.

After earning a doctorate in medicine in 1930, Frankl joined the staff of the AM Steinhof psychiatric hospital in Vienna, where he headed the suicide prevention program from 1933 to 1937. But being Jewish, he was forced to close it after Nazi Germany annexed Austria in 1938.

He then became chief of neurology at Vienna’s Rothschild Hospital. In 1942 however, Frankl and his family were sent to the Theresienstadt concentration camp, where his father died. In 1944 the surviving Frankl’s were taken to Auschwitz, where his mother was exterminated, and his wife died later in the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp.

Frankl spent 3 years in the Auschwitz camp where He observed the brutality and degradation around him.

Following his liberation, Frankl returned to Vienna, where he became head of the neurological department at the General Polyclinic hospital. A few months before his death, he published his book Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl talked about freedom in a place of no freedom. He talked about purpose when he lost most of his family members.  He had all the reasons in life to give up. But he didn’t. He bettered his craft thru his experience in the concentration camps.

Modern Man and Hope

The Modern man lost something over the last 150 years. Something Victor and Dostoyevsky had. I dare to say we lack tenacity. Let me give you the description of the word tenacity.

TENACITY is a noun. COURAGE, METTLE, SPIRIT, RESOLUTION, TENACITY mean mental or moral strength to resist opposition, danger, or hardship. COURAGE implies firmness of mind and will in the face of extreme difficulty.  the courage to support unpopular causes. METTLE suggests an ingrained capacity for meeting strain or difficulty with fortitude and resilience. (Websters Dictionary)

In other words, the modern man lacks an ingrained capacity for meeting difficulty with fortitude (strength of mind) and resilience (the ability to recover from said misfortune)

These 2 men of History had this, they had the strength of mind to endure a Siberian Prison and concentration camps and then after the misfortune recovered, One became a novelist, and the other created logotherapy.

(Logotherapy is a therapeutic approach that helps people find personal meaning in life. It’s a form of psychotherapy that is focused on the future and on our ability to endure hardship and suffering through a search for purpose)

The smallest of setbacks gets us to go on a rage fit or pity party. Most men constantly live in a fight or flight mode, their sympathetic nervous system takes over, and lose all self-control.

I get it, I also have these days where I just want to give up, call it a day and hoist the black flag. The only difference is I don’t. I acknowledge that I have had a bad day. (Because just ignoring it will only make things worse) and then I make it my mission to get out of that funk. Sometimes I win the battle in 5 min sometimes It takes longer. Sometimes I win it alone, other times I need to call a friend. But my focus is on the win. Bad days don’t last, tenacious men, do.

So how do we build a tenacious lifestyle? How do we get back what we lost over the last 150 years? How do we build hope if everything seems hopeless?

I’ll give you a couple of points out of my own arsenal.

  • Start a Gratitude Practice.

Say thank you for the stuff you have, every day. It is a great way to combat depression and hopelessness. The opposite of depression is gratitude, not happiness. My family says thanks before our dinner at night. Be it for the food, our house, or my sons’ dogs playing in the garden, anything goes. As long as it’s well thought thru and not just a useless repetitive ritual. Keep it authentic!

  • Reading

History books are a great way to gain a new perspective. To see that there were men who had to endure more than is humanly possible. To learn that men who had every reason to give up, did not. It gives me hope. It makes my problems seem small. Compared to a Nazi concentration camp or Siberian prison my life is pretty easy.

  • Working out.

Yes, I have said it in most of my posts. Most understand the physical benefits of exercise but there is not much said about the mental benefits. In my own experience, I believe that the mental benefits far outweigh the physical. Go to the gym!

  • Spend Quality time with loved ones.

And no watching Netflix together does not count. You need to make time away from everyday things for quality time with family. I like taking out my boat to the river for some fishing. No Phone, just time spent in nature with loved ones. It is like a recharge for your brain, and if you are fully charged not much can get you down.

  • Get a hobby.

And no, playing call of duty is not a hobby. Go do something outside, with your hands. When life becomes hard, your hobby can help you refocus. Doing something you enjoy outside of work can also be beneficial for your mental health. It can lower anxiety, lower your stress level, and help cope with depression.

  • Don’t eat or drink Junk

Food has a tremendous effect on how we feel. Higher Protein consumption (from foods like fish, beef, chicken, eggs and, yogurt) has been linked to higher levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, which are brain chemicals that will help you to be in a better mood have more motivation and concentration. Eat Junk and you will feel like junk. So, dump the Burger king and eat a steak. You will feel more level-headed and less depressed.

Conclusion.

We owe it to ourselves to be the best we can be, yes it sounds like a cliché but being your best will make you a beacon of hope to others. Like Victor and Dostoyevsky, we need to be our best, if they failed, just think of all the wisdom that would have been lost. The same applies to us.

“Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own submerged inner resources. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths.” – Epictetus

THE STRONG